


Say Something

by marjmadrigal



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Sad, Tragedy, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 03:26:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1589966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marjmadrigal/pseuds/marjmadrigal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one will understand how painful it is to fail at saving the one thing you truly want to save.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Something

**_Say something, I'm giving up on you._ **

I stared at his eyes. I still expected though, to see something different, but like any other day, there was nothing. His eyes looked straight past me, just like the usual.

“What’s wrong, Lou?” I begged.

I begged for him to notice me, to answer me, but he just turned away and continued fiddling with his keys.

“Do you want to leave me?” I asked softly, hoping he would hear me at the same time, wishing he didn’t.

I was afraid of the answer.

I swear I saw a tear crawl down to his cheek.

“You wouldn’t understand,” he replied blankly.

“I wouldn’t understand? For god’s sake, Lou! I  _love_ you. I will understand anything that you’re going through and I would still accept you for whatever fucked up reason you’re being like this! I can’t handle this anymore! You’ve been ignoring me for a month now!”

He snickered, “who’s counting?”

“Apparently, Lou,  _I am,_ ” I looked away and wiped the tears that were falling down my face. I looked at myself in the mirror and was surprised to see that I’ve lost weight, my shirt was all untidy and the bags under my eyes were bigger than before. I haven’t really gotten better ever since he stopped talking to me...ever since he last loved me.  _No,_ I thought,  _he still loves you, Harry._ “I keep telling myself that I’m foolish to think that you hate me now,” I continued, “but I can’t help but think that maybe I’m not so foolish at all. We used to be perfect, Louis. We used to make other people jealous, make other people  _want_ what we have. But look at us now…” my words drifted apart.

**_And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you._ **

I turned off the television and his attention was on me.

“Haz, why did you turn the tv off?” He asked.

The sound of my name, coming from him, felt like heaven in my ears. It’s been a long time since he’s said my name. I closed my eyes and treasured the moment as if it would be the last. Everyday felt like it - the last. Everyday felt like the end of it all. Not the end of my troubles, but the end of my life. I was miserable, but I still managed to push through. I didn’t cut, of course not. I still respected myself, but not everyone who’s sad shows that they are. The miserable still smile, they still laugh at other people’s jokes, they still know how to be with friends, but every damn moment they get alone - that’s when everything falls apart. That’s when all the thoughts eat them up and they see no light at the end of the tunnel. But they would sometimes, but when they reach out for that ‘light’ of theirs, they realize that it was just a flashlight that fell from the others who’ve been in that same tunnel - it was just false hope.

“Do you want me to let go?” I asked him, crying as those words exited my mouth. “Do you want me to walk out of that door right now?”

“No,” he whispered.

“THEN WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS, LOUIS?” I shouted, “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? YOU THINK I COULD STILL HOLD ON? YOU THINK I COULD STILL HANDLE THIS MADNESS? I CAN’T, LOU, I’M NOT THAT STRONG.”

He didn’t look at me.

“I need you. That’s why I love you, it’s because you help me through whatever bullshit life has to offer, but now you’re just adding up to that bullshit. I don’t know what’s gotten into you. I wish I could handle being away from you, but I don’t think I can’t. Not yet. I want to leave you, but I can’t.”

**_Anywhere, I would’ve followed you._ **

I was gone now. I went out that door I told him about. I left everything behind, the memories and everything else that I was afraid of leaving. Apparently, I had the balls to do it. I’m done feeling this way. The pain was so unbearable that nobody would want to live with it.

My life depended on him right after we met. I was mesmerized by his eyes, his voice, his laugh, his smile - everything about him I was attached to. Wherever he went, I was there. It’s surprising how people haven’t mistaken me for a dog-turned-human kind of guy, but despite that, I liked it. I liked being around him more than anything. I liked the way he spent hours swearing about his stained clothes after eating noodles. I liked the way he wanted everything to be perfect to the point that he would lock himself in his room in shame when things were not. I liked the way he called my name and apologize for shutting the door on me after a long and tiring day. I liked the way he would trace my lips with his thumb when I pretend to be mad at him. I liked the way he sang to me when we just stayed in bed. I liked the way he rolled over me and kissed my lips. I liked the way he sucked my neck and leave a purple mark. I liked the way he pulled off our shirts and our skin just touches and I shiver. I liked the way his hand stroked me slowly. I liked the way his eyes looked at me when he was sucking me off. I liked the way he aligned himself on top of me and whined when it hurt. I liked the way he told me to keep going when he adjusted to the pain. I liked the way he touched himself and came along with me. I liked the way he rolled off of me and slowly fall asleep, his chest rising and falling.

And it’s sad because those will only be in my memory from now on. I wouldn’t get to see it or experience it any time soon and I don’t think I ever will.

**_Say something, I’m giving up on you._ **

“Thank you for the 3 years, Lou, it’s been a pleasure to have been a part of your life even just for a little bit,” I said during my final call to him, a goodbye that I would never let go of.

I heard an exasperated sigh followed by a shriek at the other end of the line and then the phone suddenly shut off.

And suddenly I got it.

He shut me out completely to not hurt me.

He shut me out completely to avoid this from happening to me.

How fucking selfless, Louis.

And it kills me because I could’ve done something.

I could’ve done something to keep you here beside me.

I didn’t want you to go away, why did you think that?

I wanted to be beside you forever.

But your forever has gone fast because it just ended.

Your forever is now gone.

Or running on a fucking machine that’s keeping your forever going.

I’m not ready yet, not ready for all this to end.

But I didn’t have to be, didn’t I? Because you’re right there, Lou. I can see you at the end of the tunnel. I could see you, you’re there. How? I thought you weren’t here anymore. I thought you left me, you shut me out and left me. How are you right there?

Wait, what’s that? What’s that pulling me back. Louis, Louis where are you going! Where am I going? What’s happening to me?

_Beep, beep, beep, beep._

“He’s back!” The doctor said.

I opened my eyes and squinted at the bright light on the ceiling. I could smell the hospital, it was so familiar, as if I’ve been here for days. And I was surprised because I was.

“You died for 10 seconds, Mr. Styles,” the doctor said, “but now you’re back. You are one lucky kid.”

“I saw L-l-louis,” I stuttered.

The doctor looked around in confusion.

“There’s no one here, sir. It’s just me and a couple of nurses. I just called your mum and she said she’ll be here in a few.”

“I’m sorry, but what exactly happened?”

“Your neighbor found you by your doorstep in your building, I believe and she brought you in. We found a couple of sleeping pills in your pocket and realized that you’ve had an overdose and just drank alcohol. Son, if you do that again, you’re going to die especially if no one’s near you to save you. You’re really lucky we got to you just in time if not, you would’ve died.”

“I have a friend, Louis Tomlinson. Do you know if he’s here or if he’s called or something?”

“I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with him, sorry, kid, but I’ll ask the nurses if they’ve heard of him, okay? You have to rest, Mr. Styles. An overdose with a mixture of alcohol is never safe.”

I nodded at him and looked around the room. I swore to myself I saw Louis while I was unconscious. My confusion was broken when the door creaked open and my mum stepped in and rushed towards me and pulled me in for a hug. I felt her tears falling on my shirt.

“Mum, I would like to keep this shirt dry, calm down,” I said.

“Calm down? How would I calm down, you were almost gone, dear. Don’t ever do that again, what were you thinking? Suicide is never the answer, Harry!” She exclaimed.

“Where’s Louis, is there any chance you know where he is?”

She looked at me for a moment then her eyes fell down to her feet.

“Mum, where’s Louis?” I asked, now more curious.

“He’s not here, love,” she replied softly, “he’s not here anymore.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry if it seemed a little bit rushed and/or vague especially the ending yeah


End file.
